The Father's Heart
This past week was a whirlwind to say the least. It was one of those weeks that feels like a bad dream you just can't wake up from. One where you know deep down that it is all going to be okay, but you still wish you could wake up and it would all be different. It has been that kind of week in this family and things will never be the same. I'm not sure I will ever understand the purpose of this past week, but I know it has taught us all a lot as a family.
My dad is one of my favorite men on this planet. He loves the Lord so deeply and it shows through every decision he makes and every interaction he has with people. He serves selflessly, lives passionately, and walks humbly in all he does. His sense of humor can put a smile on anyone's face. He has a pure heart - one of the "biggest" hearts of anyone I know.
On Tuesday, June 19th, his big heart stopped. It took about 7 minutes of CPR compressions before the emergency responders arrived. They had to give him 4 epis and 4 shocks with an AED to revive him. He was rushed to the ICU in a stable yet critical state. It feels so unreal as I type this because things just don't happen to my dad. He is always the one next to the hospital bed answering questions and providing emotional support. He is not the one in the bed. (Spoiler alert - a week later he was discharged and now is continuing his healing process at home and we could not be more grateful!)
This past week has felt like a month - all the days blur together and yet it all feels like yesterday. Time is weird. I have been overwhelmed by the truth of the Father that has been revealed through this situation. I am not going to claim to know why God allowed this, but I do trust that His hand was in every single detail. Maybe I'll tell that story another day, but for now I will just invite you into what I have been learning about the heart of the Father through the heart of my dad.
As we sat in the waiting room of the ICU waiting for my dad to wake up, I was blown away by how many people rushed to come alongside my family. Facebook was filled with prayers, stories, and people sharing about how much they love my dad. Within moments, the baseball community had a meal train set up for the next few weeks, the church was praying with us and offering support, and family and my parents' friends were present to cry and wait with us. No one should have to go through life alone and you didn't let us go through this on our own - we are so grateful for each of you who jumped in right away. As so many people volunteered themselves in different ways because they love my dad, my siblings and I sat around amazed that we get to be his kids. So many people were concerned about him, but we were the people he would wake up and be concerned about. We were the ones who could sit at his bedside and hold his hand. We got to know what he was thinking and feeling. We get to be his kids. We didn't do anything to earn this privilege, we don't have to fight for it...we just are his kids and he loves us just because.
This is the Father's heart for us. We are His kids and we have His attention. Not because we earned it or deserve, but simply because we are. He cares about us and He wants us close. We have access to Him. We get to be near Him and know Him. We get to be His kids.
Not only do we get to be His kid, but we get to be part of a family. I am so grateful that I get to be part of a big family. My siblings and I spent a lot of time together the past week and a half. We've always had our differences, but we could not have survived this without one another. We all have our strengths and weaknesses - and when we stop comparing them and just start using them, it works really well. So often within the Church or in our culture, we spend a lot of time comparing ourselves to one another rather than encouraging others for who they are and what they offer. Family, we need each other...desperately. Please don't try to do this alone or carry this whole load of life on your own shoulders. We need each other. I believe this is the Father's heart for His kids and His family.
I hate cliches and I don't want this to sound like just another Christian cliche post. We don't need more of those. Please hear me out in this as someone who is walking through the thick of this. I have seen this truth to be more tangible now than ever before. This isn't just a good idea, this is our lifeline. We've got to live out of this identity or we will fall apart. I am learning this from experience.
After my dad's incident, I found myself attached to his side. I still don't want to leave him alone - even if we aren't talking or doing anything together. There is just something so peaceful about being in his presence. I want to be around him. I know there isn't much I can do for him, but I just want to be close. This is the connection I desire with my Heavenly Father too. I just want to desire being in his presence more than anything else. I just want to be close to Him - not for show, just out of love.
Over and over again I have found myself saying "this doesn't feel real" because I just can't wrap my mind around it all - but it is all very real. My feelings and ability to comprehend it do not change reality. To be completely honest, I have been struggling to believe what I have always believed about God because He just doesn't feel close like He used to. But my feelings and ability to comprehend Him do not change reality.
Trust isn't always easy. In fact, sometimes it takes a lot of work. I'm learning that the more you get to know the one you are trying to trust, the easier it becomes. He wants to show us who He is - and it might not always be in ways we want to see it. He wants to reveal His character that is bigger and beyond our situations. His heart for us is pure and greater than what we can comprehend, but that does not change reality.
You get to be His kid - the object of His attention and affection - without striving to earn it or deserve it. You have access to Him whenever you want and you get to know Him if you want to. You are also part of something bigger than yourself - bigger than your own strengths and your own struggles. Let others surround you and step out to surround others - we need each other deeply.
Through all of the pain and hardship this past week held, we are choosing gratitude and peace that just doesn't make sense to our limited understanding. Thank you to those of you who have held our family in your arms and joined with us in prayer. Thank you for the meals, the phone calls, the messages, the follow-up, and the ways you have loved us with what you had to offer. This is the family we all get to be a part of and it is a powerful reflection of our Father's heart.
My dad is one of my favorite men on this planet. He loves the Lord so deeply and it shows through every decision he makes and every interaction he has with people. He serves selflessly, lives passionately, and walks humbly in all he does. His sense of humor can put a smile on anyone's face. He has a pure heart - one of the "biggest" hearts of anyone I know.
On Tuesday, June 19th, his big heart stopped. It took about 7 minutes of CPR compressions before the emergency responders arrived. They had to give him 4 epis and 4 shocks with an AED to revive him. He was rushed to the ICU in a stable yet critical state. It feels so unreal as I type this because things just don't happen to my dad. He is always the one next to the hospital bed answering questions and providing emotional support. He is not the one in the bed. (Spoiler alert - a week later he was discharged and now is continuing his healing process at home and we could not be more grateful!)
This past week has felt like a month - all the days blur together and yet it all feels like yesterday. Time is weird. I have been overwhelmed by the truth of the Father that has been revealed through this situation. I am not going to claim to know why God allowed this, but I do trust that His hand was in every single detail. Maybe I'll tell that story another day, but for now I will just invite you into what I have been learning about the heart of the Father through the heart of my dad.
As we sat in the waiting room of the ICU waiting for my dad to wake up, I was blown away by how many people rushed to come alongside my family. Facebook was filled with prayers, stories, and people sharing about how much they love my dad. Within moments, the baseball community had a meal train set up for the next few weeks, the church was praying with us and offering support, and family and my parents' friends were present to cry and wait with us. No one should have to go through life alone and you didn't let us go through this on our own - we are so grateful for each of you who jumped in right away. As so many people volunteered themselves in different ways because they love my dad, my siblings and I sat around amazed that we get to be his kids. So many people were concerned about him, but we were the people he would wake up and be concerned about. We were the ones who could sit at his bedside and hold his hand. We got to know what he was thinking and feeling. We get to be his kids. We didn't do anything to earn this privilege, we don't have to fight for it...we just are his kids and he loves us just because.
This is the Father's heart for us. We are His kids and we have His attention. Not because we earned it or deserve, but simply because we are. He cares about us and He wants us close. We have access to Him. We get to be near Him and know Him. We get to be His kids.
Not only do we get to be His kid, but we get to be part of a family. I am so grateful that I get to be part of a big family. My siblings and I spent a lot of time together the past week and a half. We've always had our differences, but we could not have survived this without one another. We all have our strengths and weaknesses - and when we stop comparing them and just start using them, it works really well. So often within the Church or in our culture, we spend a lot of time comparing ourselves to one another rather than encouraging others for who they are and what they offer. Family, we need each other...desperately. Please don't try to do this alone or carry this whole load of life on your own shoulders. We need each other. I believe this is the Father's heart for His kids and His family.
I hate cliches and I don't want this to sound like just another Christian cliche post. We don't need more of those. Please hear me out in this as someone who is walking through the thick of this. I have seen this truth to be more tangible now than ever before. This isn't just a good idea, this is our lifeline. We've got to live out of this identity or we will fall apart. I am learning this from experience.
After my dad's incident, I found myself attached to his side. I still don't want to leave him alone - even if we aren't talking or doing anything together. There is just something so peaceful about being in his presence. I want to be around him. I know there isn't much I can do for him, but I just want to be close. This is the connection I desire with my Heavenly Father too. I just want to desire being in his presence more than anything else. I just want to be close to Him - not for show, just out of love.
Over and over again I have found myself saying "this doesn't feel real" because I just can't wrap my mind around it all - but it is all very real. My feelings and ability to comprehend it do not change reality. To be completely honest, I have been struggling to believe what I have always believed about God because He just doesn't feel close like He used to. But my feelings and ability to comprehend Him do not change reality.
Trust isn't always easy. In fact, sometimes it takes a lot of work. I'm learning that the more you get to know the one you are trying to trust, the easier it becomes. He wants to show us who He is - and it might not always be in ways we want to see it. He wants to reveal His character that is bigger and beyond our situations. His heart for us is pure and greater than what we can comprehend, but that does not change reality.
You get to be His kid - the object of His attention and affection - without striving to earn it or deserve it. You have access to Him whenever you want and you get to know Him if you want to. You are also part of something bigger than yourself - bigger than your own strengths and your own struggles. Let others surround you and step out to surround others - we need each other deeply.
Through all of the pain and hardship this past week held, we are choosing gratitude and peace that just doesn't make sense to our limited understanding. Thank you to those of you who have held our family in your arms and joined with us in prayer. Thank you for the meals, the phone calls, the messages, the follow-up, and the ways you have loved us with what you had to offer. This is the family we all get to be a part of and it is a powerful reflection of our Father's heart.
I love this Jess. Thank you for being willing to write and try to capture some of these divine kingdom truths that can only be processed in times like you've walked through. This really encouraged me today!!!
ReplyDeleteVery beautiful, Jessica. Thanks for writing this and also for filling in some of the details about what happened to Todd. It brought tears to my eyes. Suzanne (for some reason it is showing up as Katie W)
ReplyDelete