Held.

At the beginning of every semester, student leadership gathers to prepare for what is to come. One of my favorite parts of every leadership training week is our retreat. In the Spring, all of leadership drives somewhere away from campus for a day of fellowship, fun, and Jesus (it doesn't get much better than that)! 

At the beginning of the retreat, we were sent off to have some alone time and were instructed to ask God to reveal a specific word or theme to us for this season of life. When we broke off, I found a tree that looked comfortable to sit in and made myself at home for the next half hour or so. I began to pray for a word from God, while I listed off spiritual words like "grace," "forgiveness," and "prayer." These are all really great words and themes, so I really thought those were the ones I was supposed to meditate on. I was wrong. The word "held" came out of left field (the way God operates often when trying to get my attention). I shut the word down at first because it didn't seem spiritual enough. Boy, was I wrong again!

After an afternoon of relaxing and catching up with people after break, we went on a hike. We were encouraged to find an object on our hike that represented our word. So of course, I wanted to find the perfect rock, cause that is what you do on these things. Rocks are full of spiritual meaning, and this was a spiritual exercise so it was the perfect fit, right? Wrong. After a short discussion with Jesus, I felt He wanted me to find a leaf.

My perfectionism kicked in as I searched for the perfect leaf. Some came close, but they were a little too worn, weathered, or discolored for my liking. Until a specific leaf on the path caught my attention unexpectedly. This leaf was the exact opposite of what I had been looking for since the beginning of the hike. It was trampled, faded, and falling apart. Far from perfect.

As I held that feeble leaf, God began to speak to my heart.

Before the leaf ended up on the ground, it was connected to the branches of the tree from which it grew. Through that connection, it was able to live, grow, and fulfill its purpose for existence. When it was no longer connected to its source it was dead, trampled on, and destroyed. It was no longer being held. 

"That is what happens when you do not allow yourself to be held by me, your Source of life." The leaf and I had a lot more in common than I ever thought possible. I began to process the truths that God pressed upon my heart in that moment and was filled with peace and wonder.

As we neared our destination, we were guided to write our word on the object we picked up and lay it at the cross that stood at the edge of the hill. I took the battered leaf and proudly wrote "Held" across as I stood amazed at what I just learned, thinking I had learned the complete lesson. My hand twitched. I accidentally crumpled the leaf further, adding to the brokenness of this dead leaf that had been through enough.

"And this is what happens when you allow yourself to be held in the hands of anyone other than Me," were the whispers of the Holy Spirit into the depths of my heart. So often I look to others for my strength, value, acceptance, and life; that was not what I was created for!

We were created to fulfill an incredible purpose. We were designed to abide in the source of life itself. He desires a relationship that gives us life, joy, and peace. So why is it so hard to allow ourselves to be held in His presence?

Like a baby in the arms of its mother, being held requires trust. They must allow every aspect of who they are to be still and vulnerable in the arms of another. It is scary. As I write this, I am in a place where I keep squirming because being held is just too vulnerable and helpless for me. Then I remember the result of disconnecting from the Source, and that is a painful reality.

 

I want to challenge you as I am being challenged by Christ, abide in the true vine. Jesus instructs us in John 15 to abide in the Source of Life, God, if we want to bear fruit. In other words, be held by Him and you will not fall into emptiness. Apart from God destruction is inevitable. You were created for more, for abundant life, for life with purpose. So, be held in the arms of the Savior. It is not easy. Storms come that make it easy to disconnect or separate. Sometimes it is hard to be still and stop squirming or pushing away. But that is when we need to be held the most. Allow Him to pick you up and comfort you in His arms as you are simply held. "'I am the vine; you are the branches. If anyone does not remain in me he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers..."